2 weeks

Has it only been 2 weeks since I was accepted into the House? It seems so much longer.

I saw the condo last night. I didn't love it so I am moving on. I will pay off my debt and work on saving a down payment.

Tonight is the night Playmate meets Sir Randy and Angie. I'm so excited. I thought he was going to spend the night tonight but he might not be able to. Kat departs in 2 weeks so I am trying to patient.

Yesterday was a good day, I had my annual review. It was great. Bossman likes my work and is pleased with me. The raise and bonus was nice too.

Tried to have some eggs and avocado this morning.. not sitting well. I am really happy with my progress there. Most of my clothes don't fit me anymore. Playmate called me sexy last night, I still have trouble believing that. I have bags of terrific hand-me-downs from others who have had surgery, they are all tiny, tiny clothes. My brain says I'll never fit into them. I'm afraid to buy clothes because I don't know what size I am and I don't know what looks good. My hair is starting to fall out, that's not good.

I got a call last night, about 630pm from my doctor. He wants me to come in on Monday and see a surgeon about the results of my mammogram. You know its never good when you get that call on Friday. So I will be there at 8am Monday trying not to throw up. I know the radiologist who read my films and ultrasounds says it looks okay but since this is the second lump they have found in 6 months.... ~sighs~ They are going to cut into me again. I keep losing pieces of myself one surgery at a time. If they take my breasts, I swear I am getting new ones. Playmate says he doesn't like fake ones, I don't care. I will get new ones. I can't be a woman without them. They are a big part of my identity.

Did I go through bypass surgery and a complete overhaul of my life to be taken out by cancer? Do I only get a few more minutes in the sun? I found my family, my House and my love, my professional life is going as it should and now I have to go through this. I just did this 6 months ago. I went through the strain of waiting to find out if I was sick. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right?